A Villain's Memoir
Hello, my name is Carl the Cavity.
Technically, my friends just call me Carl. Right now, I live rent-free in the upper left molar of a very nice human who thinks that brushing their teeth for 20 seconds counts as good oral hygiene.
Life has been really good. Some people believe that a cavity can magically appear. If only they knew the hard work I put into building these little homes of decay in your teeth. It takes leftover food, bits of sugar, candy, sugary drinks, cookies, cake, or basically anything you eat or drink, hanging out in your mouth.
My Best Friends - The Bacteria Anti-Dream Team
Then my best friends – the bacteria anti-dream team – throw a party with all those sticky bits. They gobble up all the sugar and make lots of acid, which slowly attacks the enamel of your teeth. In as little as a few hours or days, if you let it go that long, they start drilling holes into your teeth (creating a cavity), no jackhammer required. I have to say that today’s humans make my job really easy.
What do humans do wrong, you ask? Let me tell you all about it.
- Some of you never floss at all
- Sometimes you brush too fast, not thoroughly enough, or not at all (my favorite people)
- A few of you think mouthwash is a substitute for brushing and flossing (it isn’t)
- Or those who say, “I don’t have a cavity because my tooth doesn’t hurt, so it must be fine,” despite the black hole in it.
This is all music to my ears. I will let you in on a little secret. My team and I are quietly creating a cavity and destroying your tooth long before you ever feel any pain. By the time you feel anything, I’ll have started building a second home (more cavities) next to the first.
Do you know what ruins my day?
This is what ruins my day:
- Dental Floss. Seriously, who invented that stuff? Just when I’ve settled into the little spaces between your teeth, along comes a piece of floss to sweep away all my hard work. It’s really sad!
- Toothbrushes. Don’t get me started on those contraptions. They’re like little leaf blowers during my picnic.
- Regular dental checkups and cleanings. That’s another thing that keeps me up late at night worrying. Dentists and hygienists are the worst! They poke around with their little instruments and find us hiding, then kick us out!
- X-Rays. The worst! Imagine building your dream house, only to discover someone has installed security cameras. Now they can see everything we’re doing. It’s annoying.
But it’s manageable if you humans ignore all that.
Things Get More Interesting
If you ignore all the things that get rid of my gang of bacterial friends, we just might start digging a little deeper until we reach the soft center of your tooth (the pulp), where the nerves and blood vessels live. Suddenly, because you ignored that little dark spot and didn’t see your dentist, now drinking or eating anything cold makes pain shoot through your mouth (or ache for hours on end). That’s usually when the words “root canal” start floating around in the conversation.
Trust me. If I had to choose between a small filling and all that drama, I’d want to have a filling before things got out of hand. Wait. Forget I said that. Please ignore that last comment.
Things that Make Carl the Cavity Happy
- Keep it up with the sugary drinks and snacks.
- Fall asleep without brushing your teeth.
- Don’t floss ever!
- Don’t rinse your mouth out after eating (if you don’t have access to a toothbrush).
- Definitely don’t drink lots of water or eat healthy foods.
- Never see your hygienist and dentist regularly (unless you bump into them in a random store in town).
My family and I would greatly appreciate your cooperation. Because here’s the embarrassing truth we cavaties hate to admit: We are not as tough to get rid of as you think. So, if you’ve been listening to my confession, I’d appreciate it if you forgot everything I told you.
Hello? Where did you go? Oh no, I hear an electric toothbrush. And did I also hear you get the floss container out, too? This is not how I wanted my story to end.
Say "NO" to Carl the Cavity!
If you don’t want Carl the Cavity to take up residence in your mouth, make sure NOT to follow his advice. In fact, do the opposite.